If all they had done was weigh him, measure him, listen to his heart and breathing, and sent us on our way with a clean bill of health, that would be one thing.
But no.
They asked the most ridiculous questions.
Like: How often does he nurse? How long on each side? How many wet diapers? How many messy ones?
Now, before any medical personnel goes and gets defensive, I know there must be a reason for this.
But they just don’t accept “It varies” as an answer!
So I spout off the answers that I’ve read in books and they’re happy. But next time, I’m going to say this:
“3-20 times a day, 2-60 minutes per side, too many to count, and I try to block those from my memory.”
And then I get the doctor’s philosophy on why my baby should sleep in a crib. He doesn’t quote SIDS stats to me (he knows better than that), he just tells me if I don’t want Benjamin sleeping with me when he’s five years old, then I’d better get him in a crib pronto.
But here’s my theory. Ready? I figure a baby’s going to cry when you make him sleep in his own crib. Whether he’s a day old, or 3 years old, he will cry. No, I don’t expect Benjamin to still be sleeping with us when he’s three. We most likely (I’ve learned not to give absolutes!) won’t have more than one child in bed with us at a time. So sometime inbetween now and the next child, he will learn to sleep on his own. And he won’t like it. But he will be more mature. He will be more understanding. It won’t be in-the-womb one minute, in-his-own-room the next. He’ll have had that extra time with me to build security and trust. So when I’m ready, when he’s ready, he’ll move to his crib.
So when the doctor recites his little speech, I just give a mild little smile and sing songs in my head to pass the time.
Hi there!
I’ve been reading your blog for a while now, and I just love hearing about your family. You remind me so much of myself, and your little boy reminds me SO much of my 2nd daughter who is now 7 months old (breastfed, cloth diapered, and sleeping in our bed!). I know exactly how you feel, and I still don’t have a great answer when friends and family question me, either! But, blessings to you and your family, and I am proud of you for sticking to your mothering passions!
-Bethany
I like your answers for next time. It drives me crazy when doctors try to tell us we are wrong for doing what we feel is best for our children. I was lucky enough that my children saw a nurse practioner who was also the one I saw as I grew up. He didn’t judge my decisions and only offered other options if I was frustrated with the way things were going.
I didn’t do the co-sleeping BUT both my boys slept in my room at night for at least the first year. I used a pack and play in my room and had the crib set up in their bedroom. Nap time was in their bedroom to help them learn that this was going to be their room and where they would eventually be sleeping.
I always hate giving reasons for my parenting choices (which are similar to yours) whether it’s to friends, family, whoever. It is always the worst with the doctor though. They think they know best. I’m not sure they do though when it comes to breastfeeding, co-sleeping, etc. Sure I trust them if the baby is sick, but other than that…They didn’t learn about baby sleep and breastfeeding in medical school!
Yes, I know!!! It’s not just the doctors who have their strong opinions and feel the need to share them, either. Everyone and their brother used to tell me about getting my son out of our bed, or stopping breastfeeding, or whatever else they think I need to be stricter about. I will sing songs too, that’s a great idea! 🙂 I’m actually DREADING going to the doctor appointments because I’m going to get railed about vaccines. Makes me not want to take them in at all! The only (and I mean ONLY) reason I’m taking them to well-visits is because I want their measurements/stats for the baby books. Being in the medical profession myself, I never thought I’d become one of those “noncompliant” patients! haha
You know, a scale that will weigh your baby costs less than one well child visit. Food for thought. 😉 The health department where I live will do vaccines for 5$ each, should you want to bother with them at all.
I don’t do WBVs any more.. sick of the ped. trying to give parenting advice! Good for you for ignoring it.
Our pedi kept asking at every appointment where our baby slept, and when I said, “With us”, she would say, “Ok, but when he gets to be around 4-6 months he needs to be in his own crib.” She thought he needed his own space, she also thought he needed to cry it out. And she was bullying us into doing it. Needless to say, we switched doctors, and our new doctor is much more AP friendly. By the way, our 17 month old is still in our bed, where we feel he belongs right now. And I’m thinking this won’t make him want to sleep with us when he is a teenager. Don’t take parenting advice from a doctor.
hee hee.
At Alex’s 6 month appt she was asking about if he was sleeping through the night (my son does everything well – except sleep – there he is a terror) I said not, she asked how we got him to sleep at night, I told her we walked him till he fell asleep (cuz that actually GOT him to sleep) she said it would be better if we would lay him down and let him fall asleep on his own.
Now really? Wow. I’d *never* thought of that in all of the times I’ve put him down praying he would fall asleep and he screamed like the bed was on fire.
Sigh.