Today we were riding bikes along a trail through some beautifully wooded and prairie grassed areas. Just at sunset. I was in awe of the beauty.
And I saw a girl walking her dog on a dirt trail in the woods. On her cell phone.
My first thought, I kid you not, was, “Now that’s a shame. She can’t even walk her dog without talking on her phone. Yep, THAT’S an addiction.”
But as I looked ahead at my husband and daughter, and glanced back at my son, I realized something.
The girl was young, college-aged. She most likely had recently left her family and friends and all she’s known for eighteen years. This isn’t considered different, or even pity-evoking. It’s normal. It’s “coming-of-age”. It’s what-you-do.
And if it weren’t for this rite of passage, she would have been walking through those woods with her best friend, or her mother. Or maybe her high school sweetheart. Instead, she was clutching her inanimate link to her old life – her phone.
I’ve heard some accusations in the blogging world that we lack deep relationships with people because it’s become too easy to have hundreds of shallow on-line ones with people we will never see face-to-face.
But as a person who tends to change zip codes every two years, I would like to ask the blogging world if maybe, just maybe, the reason for shallow relationships is because the world has grown too small and it it no longer abnormal to not only leave your town, but also your state, and even your country to gain a college education, and then again to get a job?
I’ve read that the average American will move 11.7 times in his or her lifetime.
Don’t you think maybe that might have something to do with our relationship struggles?
And maybe email and Twitter and instant messaging are what’s keeping us connected with those we love?
Perhaps all these online connections are keeping us from forming new relationships where we live now. But as a mother of two young children, I can tell you now that IT IS HARD to get out there and meet people when you have dishes and laundry piling up and naptimes to work around.
I long for the days from before I was born, where you grew old and died in the same neighborhood you were born. I would know my neighbors and always have family and friends at hand. I wouldn’t write a blog. I wouldn’t use a cell phone. I wouldn’t email. I wouldn’t need to.
And I definitely wouldn’t have days where the only conversation I had was with my two-year-old about the importance of purple spoons.
The other day I saw someone riding a horse and leading a second horse and having an animated conversation– with her horses, I first thought. But then I saw the cell phone.
Times change. (smile)
I don’t know. I think technology can alienate us as much as it can help us. I have found women who have lost their babies, and they have been such enormous comfort to me. We have conversations in email, and through our blogs, and I can see that I am not alone in the world.
I meet people like you, whom I would never have met.
But I wonder, would I invest more in meeting people in my own community (that I’m already heavily involved in?) if I didn’t have the internet?
I don’t know. But it’s a good question to ask.
When I first started reading this post, I thought you were going to say how you were about to strike up a conversation with her but couldn’t because she was on her phone. I think in some ways it “protects” us from the uncomfortable part of meeting new people.
I often use the “talking on my phone” look to avoid talking to people. Sometimes I’m not even really ON my phone. I’m pretending. Of course, I only pretend when it’s someone trying to sell me something, or I’m alone in a semi-private area and the person looks like they might be wanting to harm me. Then I like to talk VERY LOUDLY and pretend I’m telling the person on the phone exactly where I am and what I’m doing. Hoping in some way it will keep “the predator” from attacking me. HA HA.
Anyway, Without internet I doubt we’d still be talking, which means I would be alone all day! I think we’ve already moved our 11.7 times and although I was very outgoing in college and it was easy for me to make friends, I have found it rather difficult to make friends lately. We’ve been here almost a year and still have no friends here.
Anyway, I agree with you, and I also agree with Western Warmth that I think it protects us from having to meet new people!
I feel ya. As a person who struggles with phone conversations because I express myself best in the written language, email and chat and all this has been invaluable to me. But I think it CAN be a crutch, and that it’s healthy to have all kinds of relationships, not just one kind.
What about using the internet to meet people in your community? There are great sites like meetup.com where you can go to find people who live in your area with similar interests. For instance, I organize a new parents meet up group and have found it a great way to meet people who I share at least one thing in common with.
Also, with families so spread out, the internet has been a real valuable tool for keeping touch, sharing photos, etc.
I think we have shallow relationships with people in real life too: the lady at the corner market, the postman, your neighbors, etc. But in some ways we have shallow relationships with maybe more important people because we have shallow lives.
It’s something to think about.