I know you want Hawaii pictures. But believe it or not, it’s easier and faster to spit out written posts than to choose, edit, resize, upload, arrange, and caption picture posts. I am working on it. Promise.
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When I woke up this morning, I was in a good mood. I went for a run. I had a smoothie. It was 7:30 a.m. and it was a good day.
I came home and didn’t get a shower before Josh left, but that was okay. I managed a bath even after all three children were awake. Hardly any damage. Levi may have fallen in the tub, but he survived.
I got dressed and gave the kids breakfast. Headed to my computer to check some things before starting the busyness of the day. Saw the missing Enter key. Got a little upset, but mostly at myself for leaving the laptop open with Levi awake. Saw the broken plastic and realized it wasn’t fixable. Got more upset.
Looked into the kitchen and saw Levi dropping Cheerio after Cheerio into the dogs waiting mouth. This, after weeks of spanking that little hand for that very offense. (And it definitely wasn’t the first time this morning he had been reprimanded for it, either.) Got more upset.
Glanced at Olivia and saw her leaning away from her bowl, holding her dripping spoon in mid-air, collecting milk in her lap. Another lesson that seems impossible to teach. Got really upset.
And just like that, it’s a bad day. At 9:00 a.m.
Cleaned up Levi and put him in his crib. Told Olivia she was done eating and made her get down. Spent the next 15 minutes cleaning the kitchen with an unrighteous furor. Internally yelling at anyone who had spilled anything or tracked anything into that room.
Then came the guilt. How could I have let such minuscule offenses affect me so greatly? Spilt milk? Really? A nine-month old feeding the dog? That wasn’t even a mess to clean up!
Half of me wants you to tell me it’s okay. You do it too. I’m not a bad mommy.
But the other half, the half that aspires to have children that rise up and call me blessed wants to be held accountable.
I’m not reading my bible. I’m not spending time in His Word or His Presence. I’m not filled with His Spirit. I’m not bearing Fruit. And it shows.
Love. Joy. Peace. PATIENCE. Kindness. Goodness. Faithfulness. Gentleness. Self-control.
Sigh.
I don’t know what I want this post to be. I just knew I wanted to write it. Let you know. I’m crawling back to God. Again.
I’ve been going through this alot lately. My kids are 4 and 2 and my 4 year old is very defiant. She wants everything exactly the way she wants it, when she wants it. To outsiders, I know it looks like she is a spoiled brat.
But I KNOW that we do not spoil her and that in fact she has appropriate guidelines, rules, consequences and rewards. She’s just got that ultra defiant personality.
Anyway, it’s been really tough lately and I’ve been doing way too much yelling and way too little playing with and enjoying my kids. It’s hard.
And my days go alot like yours with it starting out perfect and then by 8am it’s all in pieces, one kid’s in timeout, the other one is crying and I’m left frustrated.
I just keep trying to remind myself that I am lucky to have a very patient and loving mother and I aspire to be just like her. I try hard to be patient. It hardly ever works (oops), but I’m trying.
Anyway, I know how you feel and I can totally sympathize with the feelings of frustration and guilt and wanting to be better.
.-= Kookburra´s last blog ..Free package of Land O’ Lakes Butter!!! =-.
sounds like many of my days.
I do have a word of advice on the ‘kids feeding the dogs’ front–at least when Levi is tall enough.
We taught our kid how to work the ice dispenser on the fridge. The dogs go crazy for ice (and could eat it all day without making them fat or sick, it just cuts down on how much water they drink for a zero sum game). And little boys like to work buttons that make lots of racket. Works wonders and we don’t have to run to the vet hospital anymore because someone ate something they shouldn’t.
.-= Mary´s last blog ..Detritus =-.
Ice dispenser idea is a good one.
9 month olds are not developmentally capable of understanding “no.” Frustrating, but true. Taking the food away is going to solve this one quicker!
My thoughts on physical punishment.
http://charles-hanon.livejournal.com/68406.html
My 9 month old most definitely understood the concept of “no”, but isn’t it hard to pick which battles are worth fighting? 😛 My husband likes to say “choose your battles and win every one.” Consistency is easily the hardest aspect of parenting for me.
I’ve been praying for the Spirit who produces that fruit in my life too. It’s so easy for the best mom-tentions to fly out the window!
Thank you for your honesty and for putting into words the very things I’ve been dealing with too- I know the Lord will strengthen us and continue to shape and mold us into the mommies He has called us to be as we learn and grow :O)
i used to lurk on your blog a while back b/cs i felt so “connected” to your life circumstances. our last LOs were born very close together, so i feel i can honestly say i understand exactly where you are. excep tthe running. i don’t run. 🙂
did you see ann’s post at (in)courage? it is timely to be sure. http://www.incourage.me/2010/04/what-every-family-really-needs-to-be-strong.html
also, i’m reading ted tripp’s shepherding a child’s heart right now and i’m learning that we are all worhipping something… whether it is us as moms who want our time to ourselves or one less thing to clean or do or bottom to wipe or whatever.. or if it’s our kids who want what they want in the moment. feeding the dog? not a dealbreaker at the end of the day, right? but we are called to lead our babies hearts to him, and that is exhausting!! the previous commenter said it.. the consistency is the hard part!!
hang in there mama… and let’s pray naptime helped or at least that you rememberd new mercies today!
.-= misty´s last blog ..worship the lamb =-.
I’m in the same boat. I do the same things, and realized the same thing the other day. While we were on vacation we spent so much time just playing with the kids, Caylee was so whiny still and nothing seemed to make a difference with her. (I just realized this morning she has two canine teeth- probably the reason for all the whining) but Lexi was so much better.
I do need some major recommitting to reading my Bible and praying more, and to playing more. and guidance… yah. I have no words of encouragement except the ones that say we all do it and we all have times like that. No it’s not good or right. but i still think your doing way better than me. 🙂
.-= Jes´s last blog ..New Goals. =-.