With the huge exception that instead of bringing a new life into the world, you’re preparing to be taken out of it.
She’s nesting.
My mom has never had the motto, “A place for everything and everything in its place.” She has always been too busy with life to bother organizing a stack of papers or folding and refolding a towel until it looks just right. But now she paces the house with an anxious energy about her as her eyes scan the counter tops for something out of place. As she slowly makes her path around the kitchen, she stops and moves the rug with her foot until it’s exactly perpendicular to the oven. Then she moves on again.
She’s determined to leave everything in perfect condition. It seems almost as if she’s on a quest for peace.
She’s also pulling away, drawing into herself and away from noises, lights, and distractions. Laboring animals naturally do this, and having had both bright, noisy, confusing labors and quiet, calm, dim ones… I’ll concur that it seems this is the way God made us. She used to be an avid Animal Planet or Discovery Channel watcher. But I haven’t seen the television on in weeks. Instead, she prefers to lay on the couch in silence. Even telling her about my day seems to bring about more exhaustion and anxiety as she seems to prefer my silent presence.
I guess it makes sense. But I didn’t expect it.
I love your thoughts on this. It’s all very exhausting though. If you were your mother you may wish to comfort your daughter knowing that it is difficult for her to lose you. It’s a mothers right. I may be completely wrong since I don’t know you or your mom. Just remember that fighting the grief may make it more difficult for you both. Your spirit makes you grieve because it is the natural way to handle such a difficult loss. Take care of yourself and know that you will have extra prayers tonight.
Wow. I’ve thought this before: that labor and death have some similarities. But I’d never heard the nesting thing. Crazy though, in both situations you’re getting ready for something huge – which comes at an unknown date. Life is hard. **sigh**
Anyway, lots of prayers and hugs to you.
I stumbled upon your blog when searching for information about vaccines, and find your writing style very endearing and stumbled about your site a bit more. I was especially touched by this post, as my mom died of breast cancer last year. It came out of nowhere, stage IV, and she lived with it for three years. The process of watching someone die is so very much like you say, especially at the end. Interesting analogy. That place between the living in the dead is crossed with birth and death – it is a powerful place, whatever it is you believe in. It makes sense we would prepare for that place in similar ways. Wishing you peace and acceptance during this time with your mom.